I remember when I had my first vacation that was longer then two weeks, it was in December 2011 and I traveled to Thailand (and through Thailand) for three weeks and found it immensely enjoyable. Even asked myself why I hadn´t done something like it earlier!
The interesting part is that this was almost 15 years into working my practice as a Dr of Naprapathy, having enjoyed quite some success during that career, though never feeling I could leave the clinic for “that long”.
All these years I did long weekends of during summer, worked between Christmas and New Year, only taking a week or two of every August to go hiking and unwind my spirit in the wild.
It was a choice I made, and I´m sure that choice helped me build my practice in some ways by being available – and of course I had all the right excuses ready for myself and others:
- I don´t need to take time of, I like my work
- Working in summer and during holidays is perfect as so many clinics are closed
- As I don´t put on that many hours/week I don´t need vacation
All of these points (and more…) are totally valid and true, that´s why these excuses worked for me all these years.
The big truth is, though, none of them comes even close to my real reason for never spending longer periods of time out of town… FEAR!
Fear to loose clients!
Fear to make to little money!
Fear to not being liked!
Fear to be out skilled!
Fear to not be good enough!
Fear to not be enough!
“2. Fear is just the opposite from money consciousness; it is poverty consciousness, and as the law is unchangeable we get exactly what we give; if we fear we get what we feared. Money weaves itself into the entire fabric of our very existence; it engages the best thought of the best minds.”
Charles Haanel, “The Master Key System”, Part XXIII
So, I never felt enough, never felt like I did enough, never felt I was good enough…
And I was never satisfied or grateful, just always chasing more!
Looking for something outside of myself to solve my lack of self esteem, entering business ventures and relationships mostly for the reason that someone wanted to work/live with me resulting in more or less dysfunctional situations.
Living without exemptions in the world without, searching for answers anywhere but within!
Filling the empty space with work (or busy work), training, booze and other distractions – ironically enough feeling my best when I was alone in the mountains, hiking with “me myself and I”.
Could have found a clue there, right 😉 ???
In 2010 something started to change in me, slowly and almost unconscious at first – I started to take a tiny, careful look at what I wanted, got out of a business partnership that had become very imbalanced and hit a record year after master minding with a colleague who had no ulterior motives. I even acquired the means to by a fun car, a Audi TT Quattro ´99, the one I still drive when in Sweden.
2011 my business as a health professional sky rocketed, I met my wife to be and hit bottom physically while preparing for the Swedish Nationals in Cross Fit. My body basically shut down its performance and I had to face the fact how much of my self worth was anchored in being physically fit and high performing.
Reaching an emotional low feeling I wasn´t even worth taking time from my therapist, whom I was actually paying to help me (besides that he is a good friend).
Despite all that my practice was thriving leading to another record year while I stopped digging and started climbing out of the hole I had put myself in. Rounding up my year with that trip to Thailand I mentioned above, giving myself three weeks traveling alone doing a lot of soul searching and thinking!
Few month later I got in touch with Mark J and Go90Grow, did a first run through pretty half heartedly, applied for the live event, took the course again and, over time, got more and more involved leading into the Master Keys Experience.
So, what´s the point here???
Well, thanks for asking 😉 – shows that You´re still here with me!
Early tomorrow morning we embark on a flight to the US after having spent 10 days working in Stockholm (2014 we spent 11 weeks total working the clinic) facing a 9 week long stay beginning with a road trip through the south western states followed by two weeks on Kauai experiencing both the MKMMA and Go90Grow live events.
The amazing thing to me is that we can do this because I was wrong before, I don´t depend on a steady income for living the life I want. I don´t have to be available, live on other peoples terms or belittle my own dreams to have a secure financial situation.
Most important it makes absolutely no sense to be of service for the fearful reasons I leaned back upon before.
“10. The power of attention is called concentration; this power is directed by the will; for this reason we must refuse to concentrate or think of anything except the things we desire. Many are constantly concentrating upon sorrow, loss and discord of every kind; as thought is creative it necessarily follows that this concentration inevitable leads to more loss, more sorrow and more discord. How could it be otherwise? On the other hand, when we meet with success, gain, or any other desirable condition, we naturally concentrate upon the effects of these things and thereby create more, and so it follows that much leads to more.
11. How an understanding of this principle can be utilized in the business world is well told by an associate of mine:
12. “Spirit, whatever else it may or may not be, must be considered as the Essence of Consciousness, the Substance of Mind, the reality underlying Thought. And as all ideas are phases of the activity of Consciousness, Mind or Thought, it follows that in Spirit, and in it alone, is to be found the Ultimate Fact, the Real Thing, or Idea.”
Charles Haanel, “The Master Key System”, Part XXIII
By concentrating on what I didn´t want to happen and trying hard to prevent it from happening, I did not only attract and manifest more of the same, I also spent so much energy that could have been put to use working towards definite positive ends.
“It takes less energy to succeed than to fail!” Mark J
Especially not even knowing what success looks like for oneself, running around in circles trying to avoid whatever is perceived as possible failure.
The best part still is: All that time fighting to keep up, to stay in the game and be on top of things, I knew that there was something deeply wrong about it – I just couldn´t see what it was or how to get it right…
What was I pretending not to know?
Mahalo for visiting and reading this post, please comment below if You got some thoughts to share, I appreciate You!
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