Do You remember that movie by George Lucas?
The small rebellion army that finally was taken seriously enough by the evil empire and found itself attacked by a vast and seemingly overwhelming army with enough fire power to extinguish entire solar systems?
It´s just a perfect analogy to my old blueprint striking back last week, so here we go:
Did I take a hit from my old blueprint last week – almost got down with K.O. – how wonderful to bounce back more determent than before.
How come we sometimes need so severe a reminder of what we originally wanted to change?
Or is it just me…?
I was back in Stockholm for just five days to do some work for a non profit organization where I serve as vice chairman. We were present at the most important health exhibition in Sweden and that was the reason for my trip.
Took me about a split second to fall back into old patterns of trying to being enough for everyone and everything I considered important and forgetting my friend in the mirror during the process.
- working too much
- sleeping too little
- dinner at 11:20 pm
- no food during the day
- forgetting to reserve time with myself
- and, no, I´m not being hard on myself here
Basically I found myself as exhausted as I often was before we consciously changed our circumstances and moved a little over a year ago – and only five days were enough to get me there landing back home at 3:00am on Monday.
(Maria said this is how I looked…)
“And most of all I will love myself. For when I do I will zealously inspect all things which enter my body, my mind, my soul, and my heart. Never will I overindulge the requests of my flesh; rather I will cherish my body with cleanliness and moderation. Never will I allow my mind to be attracted to evil and despair, rather I will uplift it with the knowledge and wisdom of the ages. Never will I allow my soul to become complacent and satisfied, rather I will feed it with meditation and prayer. Never will I allow my heart to become small and bitter, rather I will share it and it will grow and warm the earth.” Og Mandino “The Greatest Salesman in the World” Scroll 2
It became pretty obvious that I hadn´t done a very good job at that during these five days and admittedly I´ve never had the feeling of myself being “enough”.
Regardless of my many accomplishments I always “knew” that I could and should have done more, been more, had more and, my, did that always get me in trouble trying to avoid the feeling over working, over performing, over servicing and at times just doing my best to dull the pain.
My Marvelous Maria had picked me up from the airport at 3am and when we woke up after just too few hours of sleep I felt miserable at the level of self-loathing and physical pain because of the state I had allowed myself to be in.
Maria applied some intuitive healing techniques, helped me identify and internalize the feeling of virtual worthlessness and brought me back to it´s origin where I could make peace with that 10 year old me (who in that particular situation really was totally helpless and inadequate).
If this MK experience ended right now it would be the best decision of my life to have started it and as it doesn´t I´m so looking forward to the next 19 weeks!
And so, with another short quote from Emerson: